~something need to be thrown~

salam,

im already at home while writing this...
the familiar land,sea and air~
the humid weather which cant be hate even i cursed at it almost everyday
the not so fresh air but im still preferred it above anything else
well unless i try the sweden or switzerland maybe new zealand or italy..HAHA

apparently today was a bit tough
first time i've felt how is it to send someone away
in easier word sending my sister for her study where she is obligate to stay in hostel.
that is actually the FIRST time ever my sis been away from home
listening to her voice in her phone call just now
i know she's restraining herself from crying...
i've been in her foot before and i just know the feeling of lost and afraid.
its just cruel actually.........

her non-presence in the house is totally felt by my family
and deep inside my little heart some bad thought appeared;

i've been questioning myself did my non-presence all this while makes my family feel the same way or is it nothing or maybe they're already immune without me?
to feel that way make me sick...i am not sincere as a daughter and a sister.

my mom keep asking me if i can call my sis
my dad start complaining that his day will be a bit rough with my sis absence
my bro worrying about his school,who'll be waking him up and sending him after this.
and to me they insisted that they're actually OKAY with it

at this time my heart sank.
me being the daughter and sister in this house but i've no responsibility to hold instead of being the good name in the family...i am their trump card and i dont mind even a bit of that.
i am proud that my family take me that way
but still the feeling of cant do anything to ease the situation make me a helpless person.

im not a good cooker like my sister
i cant drive like my sister
i dont know much about what's happening around the house
im not a very good nurse to my mom like my sister

at the end of the story
its all my fault from the beginning
at the age of 5 i already decide to be away from home
till presence time i am still away from home...and i never try to avoid it.
that's my fate that ALLAH had written for me and i sincerely accepted it.
this is just a mere trash that i need to throw away from my heart.
i am travelling HIS vast world to gain his bless and love
and i am up for the challenge...
this whole decision brings the pro and conts in my life but i still dont want to regretted it!
i am so dependable to myself that i am afraid to depends on others.
and because of this my mom had ask me to be more open to others and start find someone for me to depend on...someone that will love me!

im still not dare to.......

++im currently grooving with:b1a4-only learn the bad things++

~again~

salam,

oh kay,
i am totally giddy right now.
just now checking on fb and guess what...
on the section 'people you may know'
fb randomly put one of my crush as a suggestion (o)_(O)
and i being me...
just go asdfghkl and fighting with thought~

should i add him or not...
add,not add,add,not add,add,not add,add???
NOT ADD!!

that's me being me...never stoop that low for a mere crush although my heart refused!
sad...i know but what can i do.
egoist,maybe or is it because im too shy...sure that will be.
seeing that this is not the first time im posting things like this,how pathetic my life is...

and now im in dilemma should i refresh the page or not?

oh god...THIS IS SO STUPID!
get a life girl *head-desk repeatedly*


++im currently grooving with:4men-i love you++

~beck~

salam,

well i supposed to study since like i said before this week will gonna be filled with examexamexam!
but haha know what,i just finished watching a movie called 'beck'.
its a japanese movie release back in 2009/2010? and my review will be.....

ITS A FUCKING HELLA CRAZY ASS MOVIE!
*step aside the storyline and weird acting here and there*
(omg im swearing too much,bad girl is bad!)
i cant guarantee your innocence after watching this movie,so be prepared!

the music made from this movie is really asdfghjkl...
i cant contain myself...the melody really haunt me till the end!
i can imagine me sleeping while headbanging...
kekeke sorry roomate if that might scare you (>)_(<)

if ever i rewatch this,i'll probably just skipped the movie to the end part cause there is where the magic happen!
i literally just out of my worlds and enjoying the performance LIVE *if that's the reality*


as the lyric 'evolution' one of the song featured said:YOU CAN FLY!
that's what 'moon's beam' song makes me!
and the movie is finished with one of my fav song by oasis-so sally can't wait.
that's just conclude everything amazingly!

watching this movie just make me wanna have my own band and jamming together through day and night....
the saddest part about this dream is....i dont have guitar and i DONT KNOW how to play it!
my sorrow....




++im currently grooving with:kat-tun-your side++

~boring sunday~

salam,

its sunday today
and it is a super BORING day.
have things to do but no desire to do it *studaaay*
will have a few exams and test next week and i believe more will come later.
its almost the end of my first year program here.
lalalalala....its so surreal,cant believe that i've been here for almost a year!
just now skype-ing with mama for almost 2 hours...
hahaha mama just trying to test her i-pad,i know that!
she sure look happy...
for that almost 2 hours,we just talk bout clothes...
goodness there's a lot of things to be updated back in malaysia later
im sure i've to update my closet and shoerack (and my stomach) too....
OMYJAY that'll be heaven,cant wait.....agagagagaga!
but it wont be as great as before,along will not be home and its sure stress me out cause who will drive us?
T_T the sorrow of girl's who doesn't have driving licence!

yesterday all the sportiv girl and me went to eat at soasia *finally*
its served buffet style food and most of its are origin from asia
the saddest thing is there's only ONE malaysian food and its a mushroom soup??
hmm...never thought that malaysian has its own style for mushroom soup.
the food is good but not very good...most of the food is lacking the suppose taste.
but we were happy,at least we can eat something we're familiar
lucky for us its all halal yesterday!
well the good thing it is affordable with 299rub you can eat till you burst.
so its a win-win situation!

later then we headed to bagrat to look for some gadget.
without im knowing they actually went there to buy things not checking out.
hahaha...i've been cheated!
well it'll be my time next semester.
i've already decide haha~

now i think i shall go back to my study!

++im currently grooving with:flumpool-hananinare++

today is...

salam,

going to tell a story about today.
today is just as usual as before
today's weather is not as great as yesterday
today's temperature is freaking 7 degrees cold
and now,my hands are numb to keep typing......

and with all the tickets issue...im kinda freaking PISS OFF right now!




++im currently grooving with:yuzu-ao++

~introduction~

owh i forget to mention in my last post.
finally after all the excuses and fuss i make not to follow the trend.
im lost and im following the trend now and again its thanks a lot to sasamoto haruma san!

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
my tumblr

chocobutterlicious

a place where most of my spazzing secret *not anymore* been archived on!
i dont really mind if you just ignore it cause i dont have any intention to teall the whole world...
let me live in my world peacefully!

ps: with this i start to abandon blog and twitter.im a bad girl i know so stay away from me!

++im currently grooving with:aziatix-go++

~update~

salam,

again stopping by just to spill out something here and also because i feel like wanna whack this keyboard...aftermath of gorgeous hacker *love you*

hmm...nothing much happen to my life currently.
to say its was a great time also have some flaws in it.
lately my lazyness level is totally above the usual par,everyday wasting time by watching dramas,spazzing and stalking hot guys over the internet *specifically harumacchi*~new addiction~,downloading bunch of weird stuff,playing and enjoying everyday but no shopping WHAT?,googling stupid stuff....duhh i kind of not understand what condition am in right now.never been this way before excluding the dark 'ukm' time!

its already spring here in russia and it was a great season i can say for now.
its really beautiful since all the flowers start blossoming and all the trees slowly turn green,its like a big garden and i am super duper happy with it excluding all the dogs that hated me *i hate you*!


so most of my past weekend has been filled with PICNIC and 'enjoys the nature' walking.
this is totally great for my heart and mind but its the worst to my eating habit.
i've been keeping fat all this while...O MY GEE~



owh,last week i bought two story books at the bookstore near to my russian class at dekanat.


the books was from the same author,Christopher Fowler and he is said to be be quiet a famous author for story that involve investigation with more classic accent on it.honestly i know nothing bout this guy and i just bought these books because its cover attracted me~i wish it to be a good reading...'the age of innocence' is my first purchased here.im an old lady y'know...classic always had a subtle spot in my heart *charles dicken,louissa may alcott and roald dahl* my inspiration!

my heart condition nowadays *im talking about lovey-dovey feeling y'know* in state of indifferent again after all the giddiness i felt earlier...hmm thanks to harumacchi-kun i back again attaching myself to my imagination!well cant blame him much cause he really is HOT...the smile can kill y'know *swag style* yo!

owh...i dont mind anymore~

ps: nice ending ne~

++im currently grooving with:flumpool-zanzou++

~comeback~

salam,

ok this is so out of date.
blehh,not because im buzy or what,the lazyness totally own me.
even to read/study for exam is like climbing the everest *exaggerating much~*
i know,i know plus with the new hunk in town.
that added to the excuses!
so what shall i wrote huh?
i even dont know,just stopping by to see what happening here while cleaning some of the dust and spiderweb here and there in this blog...huhu
THIS IS SO NOT VINTAGE!!

ok,so this few weeks i've been up with this new gorjess hunk with the abbreviation of MH(not real name)...marathoning his work without even care that im a medic student now.
STUDYING IS VITAL DEAR~

not saying this blog,either twitter or fb also been abandoned.see i am CRUEL..hahahahaha!
neway,rest assured this wont be the last,i'll comeback again
when??
dont ever ask coz that's totally out of my league to answer...
lalalalalala....indulging myself back with MH.
buhbye~~

till next time,assalamualaikum!

ps:please find me the cure!

++im currently grooving with:bloody monday OST++

~defrost...~

salam,

its been awhile i know =_=

#current mode: defrosting the fridge at 1am while bothering over the fact that i need to wake up at 6am, sambil-sambil tambah sakit kepala main game. without practice, your skill rust! TRUE TO WORDS urgh!!

#mood: like SHIT!!

#rant: i nak cakap cam rojak sket today!

actually saje je duk sini nak buang mase
menunggu ais-ais mencair
urgh...its like SHIT =_= *again*
PENAT
sambil risau fikir sal kotak-kotak susu ngan 'the raws' kat luar ne
will it spoil??
i don't know memandangkan my room nye temperature ne agak MALAYSIA
hmm...it'll b easy if defrosting the fridge just like welcoming spring
naturally it fade...
don't have to wait,just wake up and everything fade little by little.
WORDS IS ALWAYS EASY, ACTION :bbbb

ps: butthurt coz missing SS3!

++im currently grooving with:k will-my heart is beating++

salam,

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALALALALA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAKAKAKAKA
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO
HOHOHOHOHOHHEHEHEHEHE
KEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKE
HIKHIKHIKHIKHIKHIKHIKHIKHIK
ERKERKERKERKERKERKERKERK
YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYA
NONONONONONONONONONONO
PIPIPIPIPIPIPIPIPIPIPIPIPIPIPIPIPI

^_____^

ps:this should be yesterday!!

++im currently grooving with:++kim soo hyun-dreaming(dream high OST)++

~.... ..~

salam,

just wanna share this.
continuation from my latter post...
actually im searching for it yesterday
but ALLAH just wanna me to go through hur's rambling first.
alhamdulillah.

"..boleh jadi kamu tidak menyenangi sesuatu, padahal itu baik bagimu, dan boleh jadi kamu menyukai sesuatu, padahal itu tidak baik bagimu. Allah mengetahui, sedang kamu tidak mengetahui." - surah al-Baqarah [2:216]

++im currently grooving with:++kim bo kyung-about you++

~no title~

salam,

today i just wanna rambling things only.
so no themes.

i start off the day by going...running(as usual) to anatomy class.
then follow the class for half a day chunking on those fleshy material.
kinda happy coz valencina is superbly adorable today.
she's diligently teaching....paniadna da?
KARASHO ^^

since im fasting the day seems a bit slow.
not hungry,too tired.
wo,mek na and fiza ask me to join them to davis(nasi briyani restaurant)
im hesitating but then finally im here in my humble room typing!

my 'buka puasa' meal

as im rambling here,
actually i just come back from our weekly tazkirah.
its about MUSIBAH DAN HIKMAHNYA presented by my classmate siti hajar.
to conclude,
everything that happen is not just 'happen',there's something more behind it!

quote from this post.

“… it’s not what happens to you, but it’s what you do about it.”

so in the end as hamba allah
just be grateful and never complaint
coz everything that is fated to us
is actually to our benefit!
insyaAllah....

++im currently grooving with:iu-cruel fairy tail++

~food ver.7~

salam,

so here it is....

ps:so lazy to give name...=_=!

++im currently grooving with:dalmatian-lost in love++

~single~

salam,

got this while blogwalking...err reading on apeng's blog.
the word just stuck me
huh...its come from ku ammar.
i find it funny HAHAHAHAHAHA
BUT I LIKE IT SOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!




Single is not a status. It’s a word that best describes a person who’s strong enough to live and enjoy life without depending on others – Ku Ammar


++im currently grooving with:song from apeng's blog(too lazy to search for the title!)++

~tik.tik.tik...tok~

salam,

tik..tok..tik..tok..tik........
my gosh the clock is ticking damn fast.
urgh i just hoping that when i open my eyes again its still today.
i really DONT want tomorrow to come.
but then who are we to make it.......hmmm

another 20+ hours to go
(oh its already today *freaking out NO*)

++im currently grooving with:super junior leeteuk and shindong-please!++

~off bully and shopping,that's holiday!~

salam,

have been longing so long to put something on this dull page
but with the hype going on thru my holiday
its a bit hard actually.
always online at dawn
making my time short to do anything i like on the virtual world.
guess i have time now to put things.
hahaha ^^

everyday is a going out day
when its going out means a goodbye to my money
for what??
of course...SHOPPING!!
with my mom getting hatred on staying in house for a day
i just thank god that i've been given a strong and healthy legs
to go through walking everyday
pheww...should i say haha!
from dress to shirt to shawls and shoes
not to be miss GREAT MALAYSIAN FOOD
and sometime my good day comes
eating MAMA'S COOKING!
that is so heaven
im in heaven (doing mama's action)

it was really fun and enjoyable
not even a second i feel bad about this holiday
with mama getting better and her joke
its too colourful
make me forget a while that this wont last long
this is when i should hope that im chasing the time
boo to me coz that never happen
time is like a lightning dude!

what most meaningful is to have a comfortable talk with mama
lots of things we chat through
from girls stuff to boys to my life in russia to my mom's condition
her feeling,my feeling,others feeling
its getting bad sometime
coz it cost us our sleeping time
that's worse to my mama

5 month living totally separated from my family
did changes me a lot
i learn to valued my life preciously
and make me realise that my precious treasure is my family
who watch,support and remind me through thick and thin.
the one who will always embrace me and welcome me
WHOLEHEARTEDLY
love...xoxo

lastly, comes the bad things
time flies so quickly
given me no chance at all to catch up,SHIT
another weeks to go before going back to 'cold city'
i really mean the cold,not just the weather though!
plus with all the chaosity happen in russia lately
i hope everything i settled down already
and i can wish that it'll be a peaceful living again there
riots,bombing whatever just leave to the aimers and their aims okay
not even a glance that i want to get involve
haha...solve yourself!!

ps:i dont really know what happen to the font and its like shitting so many times try to fix it but im LOST.im sorry,this post kinda give a trauma to your eyes!!
*begging while kneeling,SORRY*

++im currently grooving with:super junior leeteuk and f(x) krystal-grumbling++

~home sweet home~

salam,

HOME SWEET HOME BABY!!!!

another 20+ hours to go
cant wait to leave this cold city
and welcoming the warm breeze on my face
kyaaah....i cant wait!
it might be quiet hard this holidays
but anyway its my enjoyment
there's a lot of things i wanna do
especially EATING and SHOPPING
have fun with my family
oh my,grin still attach on my face since then
thank to ALLAH today's exam was quite smooth
i can answer although not all correct
since im not atking it with honesty
im satisfied enough~
hopefully tomorrow's(its today ady) journey is smooth
and got no problem
may ALLAH protect me and my friends throughout
AMIN.

ps:should i bring along my dearest lappie or not,hmm?
pss:i dont like red so much but seems like later im challenging a bull =_=!
psss:i cant sleeeeeeep!!!

++im currently grooving with:infinite-before the dawn++

~music,guy...~

salam,

its been a while not clinging here
not because there's nothing to say,there's a lot i want to say
word by word with sincerity
but nah desire only wont bring anywhere
im contemplating actually
whether i should or not writing about this thing~
quite not myself to admit sheepishly
but i guess there's a time when you willingly give up your pride to your own
just to satisfied your ownself too
I AM LONELY....

music??guy??

this few days i really chillax-ing
going all over with one k-drama after one
its feels so indifferent
rage when its suppose to,
cry when its suppose to,
laugh when its suppose to
blank when its suppose to....
according to drama!
no direction just go with the flow
and its really enticing me coz i dont have to involve anything
just go through with it...
but then the aftermath of its
makes my sleep not really peaceful
i tend to relate thing that have absolutely nothing to do with me
till my brain enrage with so many though
that i cant really comprehend what's actually that i want from that
grrr,totally what im feeling right now
and that's actually the point of writing today
music and guy
sharp feature add a bonus

music
its something that i really enjoy
and sometime i take it as a passion or maybe a hidden desire
truthfully i know nothing
dont know how to play anything
what is this,what is that
but i believe that i can comprehend with it well
its like a cream on cake
it complete the feeling like that
its my hidden wish that i know everything about music
everything from inside out like i clinging onto art
it touch the softest spot in my heart
it tingles me,makes me giggles and awed!

guy
this is totally not my thing
something that i wish i know but lost in understand it
a wish and desire most girls posses
love,crush and hatred
i am too complicated with my feelings and desire
that's a complex for me
i want him to be perfect to others but not to me
and i also want him to be perfect to me but not to others
my principles in love
let love find you
so that in the end it wont hurt so badly-you wanna die
or it wont be so happy-im in heaven forever
imperfect like that
so that i can nurture it and tend it accordingly
im a dictator to my feelings
its all start with what i feel and think
im not vulnerable
sometime thats prevent me from any love
and yes till now im still dont know the true meaning of love
pathetic...i know.

music+guy
this is actually the syndrome of watching to many dramas
i figure out that guy with hidden passion
tingles my stone cold heart
especially with music in between
sharp feature add a bonus!!!
a guy that become truly himself when behind the instrument
its like a shout
im the best+coolest in the world right now
but in reality im just a normal guy
that may or may not excite girls.
guy with passion and not blatantly used it to show off
totally swoon me
the charisma it oozed shivers me
makes my day and night confused
and change my view on my choice again
anyway in the end
the best man win
good man with good women and bad guy with bad women
thats the nature principle!

ps: bad guy with musical talent TOTALLY swoon me,truthfully wish to have one!
pss: this post is dedicated to lee jonghyun,kim jae wook and no min woo!

++im currently grooving with:ernest-my precious(mary stayed out all night OST)++

~new year,change?~

HAPPY NEW YEAR

its 2011 already,
time flies so fast....
there's a lot of things that has happen throughout 2010
from ukm to tati college and finally here in moscow.
the journey to get to the final stop is soo bitter
tears can even fall~
hahaha
2010 is the my years of cry
can 2011 be my years of joy??
I DOUBT......

this year will be lot of differences
im in moscow,struggling to be a doctor.
will be rarely home...that's for sure!
one thing that hurt the most....
MAMA
we wont have the same her
she'll face a lot of trouble this year
within herself and her surrounding
and i cant even be with her
staying beside her to give support and comfort
i dont even like this new year!

just one thing i wish
to be more stronger than ever
for mama and for everyone
............................................................................................

++im currently grooving with:maher zain-open my eyes++